I Can't Stop Thinking About...1989

Hello friends!

I’m going to be honest. I can’t start thinking about much of anything these days. Since my last newsletter, I got engaged (!!), started planning a wedding, spent a weekend in New York for another wedding, and dealt with some tough family stuff. Not even a book on the Salem Witch Trials can hold my attention and I keep falling asleep when I try to read the romance I started to keep up my daily reading habit.

But one thing that has stayed on my mind is the rerelease of Taylor Swift’s 1989. When 1989 came out, I was on the cusp of turning 21. I was very single and about to spend the summer living away from home and in Boston for the first time. I’d just ended my first fling with a guy who was a film major. I never wore leggings, opting for colored jeans and blouses from Ann Taylor Loft. In short, I was very different than I am now.

You might know 1989 from the singles, notably “Shake It Off.” Could you go anywhere without hearing it in 2014/2015? The same goes for “Blank Space” which is an iconic song in its own right (It was my ringtone for years and I still highly identify with the line “Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”)

Despite the initial impressions through its singles, 1989 is an album about loneliness hidden behind the bravado that comes with trying to stay casual: The way Taylor cries “Just take me home” in the chorus of style, the refrain of “I wish you would,” the secrecy in “I know places.”

But 1989 is also about memory. Any TSwift scholar knows “All Too Well” is her seminal work on memory and relationships. But “Out of the Woods” is the follow-up. It’s also the song that I’ve relistened to most as the album rerelease approaches, its words resonating almost as much as they did nine years ago.

When we are in a relationship, only two people witness it in its entirety: You and the other person. What’s so sad about breakups is that you not only lose a partner but also the only person who can recall what happened during your time together. You can’t reminisce with them anymore about the good times. But this space also allows you to take in the truth of the bad times and realize you perhaps weren’t as happy as you thought.

“Out of the Woods” takes the post-mortem of a relationship that’s full of anxiety. Some say it’s boring because the chorus is repetitive. (“Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods?”) But I think anyone who’s been in a relationship like the one in the song understands just why this phrase is repeated over and over. When you’re trapped in a relationship full of uncertainty, you’re stuck churning over the same thoughts asking the same questions over and over again, and wondering if things are ok.

There’s something powerful to testimonies like this. As much as “Out of the Wood” captures the relationship’s emotions, it also declares these memories as truth.

At the time 1989 came out, I was slowly extracting myself from a relationship that felt a lot like the one in “Out of the Woods.” My partner at the time made me feel responsible for his mental health. I always wondered if we were out of the woods in the sense that I worried he was going to be okay.

In the years that followed, I began to re-evaluate my memories of that relationship and realize what seemed like minor moments at the time were giant red flags. When someone is always making you doubt yourself, it’s hard to believe your own narrative. Over time, I’ve had to learn to trust my own memory and let my perceptions shift with time.

Listening to “Out of the Woods” as an adult, I feel the same anxiety and uncertainty mixed with love that I felt the first time I heard it. But I also hear a woman rewriting the narrative of her relationship to align with how she recalls it. Another phrase that comes up again and again in the lyrics is “I remember.” It’s a declaration in the face of doubts: Even if things seemed different at the time, even if he feels differently, this is what she remembers. And there’s power in that.

I also can’t stop thinking about…

• Not Just the Tudors, a podcast that’s getting me to expand my historical interests beyond my favorite dynasty.

• This article (which I also wrote, oops) about how AirTags can be used for stalking. I feel weird self promoting this, but the research is so alarming!

• This study from Pew about how many women still take their husband’s last name when they marry. I don’t plan to do this, but the comment section offered so many interesting arguments on both sides.

That’s all for now, guys. I’m sorry this is a little rambly, but looking forward to more focused content in hopefully calmer days ahead!