I Can't Stop Thinking About...The In-Between by Hadley Vlahos

Many know her as Nurse Hadley on TikTok, but I now know her as the lady who made me believe in life after death.

Author

Erin Kayata
December 13, 2023

I had a rough Thanksgiving.

On paper, it was fine: I spent the day with my fiance’s family in Connecticut. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how this was the first major holiday without my grandfathers. It felt like a grief milestone: an undeniable marker that time is passing without them. 

I am still not quite ready for the world to move on. That night, I went to bed early and spent my time before falling asleep looking at photos of my grandfathers on my phone while listening to Noah Kahan’s “Still” on repeat. 

The next morning, I stepped outside to go to my car and found a penny sitting right in front of me on the driveway.

There’s a belief that finding a dime means a loved one is visiting you from Heaven. But my Grampy was so notoriously cheap that my family jokes he’ll send us pennies instead. Finding one outside my door after I spent the night weeping over him was funny, but just a strange coincidence, I told myself.

The following week, I finally got an order of books I got myself as a consolation gift after Grampy died. (I really needed something to look forward to and my favorite bookstore was having a sale.) Among them was Hadley Vlahos’ “The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments.”

God forbid my grandfather send me a dime, right?

Many people know Vlahos from TikTok where she makes videos about what she’s learned over the course of her career as a hospice nurse. I knew of her from a New York Times profile where she talked about what people experience at the end of their lives. And I was desperate for some answers about that after standing by two deathbeds of people I love.

“The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life's Final Moments” is an easy read, despite the heavy topic of death. Each chapter is dedicated to a different patient and the lessons they taught Vlahos, who weaves in her own life story into her patients’. (A young single mom, I really enjoyed hearing about Vlahos’ struggle with her faith. She’s also quick to point out deficiencies in the healthcare system throughout the book which I could appreciate.)

Some of the lessons are general life ones. Vlahos works with a patient dying alone who wishes she’d spent more time with her people and less time exercising and worrying about dieting. (As someone who struggles with body image, this stuck with me.) 

Others were lessons about people experience when they’re near death. In the opening chapter, Vlahos has a patient who insists she sees a dead relative. She assumes her patient is hallucinating until another hospice nurse tells her, no, this is common right before someone dies. 

Vlahos also has a patient with Alzheimer’s who claims her bedroom is on fire; they move the bed only to have an electrical fire break out in the bedroom after she dies. Her insistence saved her husband’s life, convincing Vlahos that Alzheimer’s patients have some view into the other side.

This was not the most well-written book I’ve ever read. At time, it ran a little sachharine. Even the most stubborn patients somehow seem to love Vlahos. But it was one of those books that I found right when I needed it.

I believe there is more out there. But as a reporter, I am always looking for evidence to back up a story. This is probably as close as any of us will get to that. I finished it with my inner cynic quieted and a little more convinced the penny was perhaps not just a coincidence. 

Any remaining skepticism I had evaporated when I was entering the book into my reading log later and saw the publication date: the day my Pe-pa died. 

Maybe it's a coincidence. Maybe I’m reading into things. But after reading “The In-Between,” I was able to smile and think “Alright, Pe-pa, I see you. Time is passing, but you’re still here with me.” 

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